but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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