normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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