No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
