I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize