My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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