Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
