He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
