I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
