Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
