we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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