Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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