Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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