what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
