Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
