do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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