Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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