I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
