So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize