If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
