He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
