you guys were way drunker than both of me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
