You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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