You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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