Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
