So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
