Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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