I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
