i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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