i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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