dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
