I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
