i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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