Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
