Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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