I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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