you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
