You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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