He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
