Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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