I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
