If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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