one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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