YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
