whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
