my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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