OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We have started to decorate penises.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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