We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
