she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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