Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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