Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
