Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
