college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
