I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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