Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
