he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
