Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Having a random hookup so left but love u
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
