I wanna bring you to show and tell
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
