Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
