Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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