This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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