True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The feeling are messing with the penis
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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