So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
