so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize