she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
