so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
