Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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