Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's never too late to be topless.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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