"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
