Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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