Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
