Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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